


Fight or Flight

by secretagentfan



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Ludger being part of the Gang, M/M, Nala Lava Tubes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretagentfan/pseuds/secretagentfan
Summary: After an attempt to earn some gald goes awry, Ludger is forced to confront some of the feelings he's been carrying for Jude Mathis.He stumbles through, as he always has.
Relationships: Jude Mathis/Ludger Will Kresnik
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	Fight or Flight

**Author's Note:**

> This whole fic was an excuse to share my combat headcanons god I love xillia combat.

This was bad, Ludger thought, as he shoved his dripping bangs out of his face with the back of his forearm and re-adjusted his grip on his hammer with sweat-slick hands. The magma dragon flew over him, wings beating, sending ash and dirt into the air. He heard someone cough near him, Jude? Alvin? No time. Ludger held his breath, forced his eyes open to dodge out of the way. It skated past him, the sharp volcanic spikes on its wings missing him by inches. The spikes were shifting with its movements, the floating creature undulating unsettlingly, semi-liquid— flying _lava_ — how the hell did that work? Ludger’d ask Jude to explain later, if they lived through this.

God, Ludger was glad Elle didn’t come for this one. No amount of gald was worth this.

The creature radiated powerful, oppressive heat, as if Ludger had shoved his face right next to a brick pizza oven. And that…that was just half of it. Literally. The dragon had come in a matched set. Was nothing fair?

Undine sang from across the battlefield, healing spirit waters sloshing somewhere on Ludger’s left. He’d had a nasty fall just minutes before and was pretty confident his knee was bleeding badly enough to warrant leaping toward them, but the magma dragon’s twin filled his vision instead. He leapt back again, cursing under his breath, no choice but to defend and hope, for now.

“Ludger, firing on your right, get down!”Alvin shouted, voice accompanied by the familiar punishing sound of him loading his gun. Ludger didn’t have to be told twice, he chucked his hammer to the ground— have to pick that up later— somersaulted once, pulling out his own pistols, and blindly fired after Alvin. Smoke rose into the air as the second beast writhed, flinching with each gunshot. Ludger’s vision blurred, both from the heat and his knee— shit he had almost forgotten about that— but he’d have to push through. It was hard enough to see with the smoke, he couldn’t rely on—

“Ludger, behind you!” Milla. Her voice sounded close but Ludger couldn’t _see_ shit.

“ _You_ or _it_?” Ludger shouted, helpless, unsure if Milla’s attack was about to come over his shoulder, or if he was about to be swept into the gaping maw of lava hell beast #1. They had just started fighting together. Her patterns were different, distinct from the Milla Ludger knew, and _now was not the time to think about that._

Ludger dropped to the ground, unable to manage another roll, fuck. He hoped to see Milla’s weird green hair thing pop out behind him. He wasn’t so lucky. A spike grazed his back, hot as a branding iron, as the first dragon crashed hard into the rocky floor in front of him. Ludger vaguely registered that if he hadn’t stopped moving, it would have landed on top of him. He’d have to thank Milla later, but _fuck_ , it _hurt_.

“Ludger!” It had to be Jude. Ludger’s head was spinning and he could hardly make out the voice, but the link that reached out to him: calm and full of life, full of waterfalls and greenery, could have only been Jude. Ludger mentally grasped onto it, connecting them, and Jude was at his side in seconds— grip tight on his wrist as he pulled him upright.

Spirit artes flowed from Jude into Ludger; swiftly sealing wounds, halting bleeding and soothing the burn that had so easily incapacitated him.

“You okay?” Jude asked. His hair had lifted a bit in the odd little breeze that came with casting natural spirit artes — mana lobes, wild things — and was just now settling back into his familiar spikes. He was covered in soot, sweat, and dirt. Ludger figured he wasn’t looking much better. He nodded, and Jude’s grip faded. His link remained, however, and Ludger felt new power surging through him. _When I’m with you, I fear nothing._ He understood now.

“Hey, Ludger, you dropped this!” Alvin shouted, and Ludger caught his hammer with a reckless grin, using the momentum from Alvin’s toss to bring it down _hard_ on the fallen, twitching, dragon. It cracked like a boulder, fracturing in the middle, bleeding lava, before finally going still.

“One more,” Jude whispered, hand grazing Ludger’s back, one last spirit arte lifting away what remained of his soreness, and filling Ludger with new vigor.

One more.

The remaining magma dragon was facing off with Milla, now. She was mid-air, sword and body moving with grace of a dancer and the raw power of a beast. The dragon took the hits, bristling like a startled cat, spikes standing on edge until they abruptly detached— pushing out of the dragon’s skin in a horrific fountain-like display of launching needles.

“Everyone, watch out!” Milla shouted, barely avoiding getting skewered.

“Oh _come on_ ,” Alvin groaned, taking the words right out of Ludger’s mouth as he slipped to the side, avoiding the onslaught, but unable to move forward.

 _Is nothing easy?_ Ludger thought, stepping back to join Alvin, trying to plan the best method of attack when he felt Jude’s link leave him. He glanced up, and watched as the scientist dashed and dodged through the falling spears with incomprehensible fearlessness.

“Jude—” he opened his mouth to argue, but Alvin had grabbed his shoulder.

“Watch and learn, Ludger. Our honor’s student here has faced off against worse than lava spikes.”

Sure enough, Jude seemed entirely comfortable sprinting through the falling needles. He was at the dragon in seconds, and Ludger watched as Milla stood, ready for him. They linked, transitioning into a powerful attack with the ease only countless battles could bring. Sparks and soot flew into the air as Jude punched the magma dragon to the ground, smoke erupting from the creature as its wings flapped, sending Jude flying, before he, Milla, and the rest of the battlefield were completely engulfed in darkness.

“Jude—!” Milla shouted, breaking into a cough. Tears filled Ludger’s eyes as he attempted to blink and choke his way into understanding. He felt Alvin’s hand on his arm, steadying him, or maybe just holding on, as he tried to get his bearings as well. The smoking heat _stung,_ sparking with residual energy from Jude and Milla’s attack, and the second dragon’s defensive artes. Its massive form was a marker through the haze, flashing blindingly bright before slowly flickering out into natural dark earth. Finally, dead. Finally. The smoke slowly rose, and Ludger was at last able to get in a somewhat clean breath of air— in time to release it all at once.

Milla was on the ground, coughing. Her arm was bleeding as she pulled a small, still-bright needle out of it— the dragon’s parting gift. Her hair was tangled mess, but that was all Ludger got to notice of it.

Jude was laying on his side, back to Ludger, white lab coat stained black, a few needles sticking out of his torso at slanted, clearly not-good angles.

“Shit,” Alvin cursed. “Shit, _kid!_ ”

Ludger hardly registered his body as he ran to Jude’s side. Milla already ripped off his lab coat and turned him onto his back. Undine hovered above him, attempting to remove the needles and wash his wounds closed, but the healing was slow, uncertain. The water sizzled and hissed as it brushed up against Jude’s wounds, but the scientist’s body didn’t react, even reflexively. He was completely still.

“He took most of the last hit,” Milla whispered, urgent. “He’s alive— but it’s close.”

Her face was serious, but not despairing. She was clearly focusing all of her mana into Undine. Ludger held onto that, frantically digging through his bag for a life bottle. He pulled Jude’s head into his lap, tilting his chin in order to pour the liquid in his mouth.

The result was immediate, Jude woke the minute the liquid made its way down his throat, body breaking out of its previous horrible stillness to flinch and curl into Ludger’s chest. Life bottles didn’t taste much like their name, unless your life was particularly awful and involved pressing electric irons to your chest every second. Ludger knew firsthand how unpleasant it was and held onto Jude as he coughed and sputtered his way back into consciousness. His pulse was alarmingly fast, a typical reaction to the intense medicine. Everyone exhaled, watching, relieved, as it did its job and Jude’s wounds healed twice as quickly. Ludger’s hands were in Jude’s hair before he could help it, running through it as his friend struggled to catch his breath, sweating, pale, but alive.

“Took a nasty hit there, kid,” Alvin whispered, squeezing Jude’s shoulder.

“Yeah—” Jude spoke up, voice cracking a bit, as he took another moment to cough. “Yeah, I kind of guessed that.”

“Let’s get to an inn,” Milla suggested. “He needs rest.”

Her arm was still bleeding. Wordlessly, Ludger lifted Jude onto his back, expertly ignoring the startled polite arguments coming from the younger man. Ludger’s bag was still open, and without waiting for a response from Milla, he pressed an apple gel into her hand. She seemed calm, but she was still holding onto Jude’s now torn and tattered coat, white-knuckled. Pink eyes met Ludger’s, and her face melted into a small, assured smile.

“Thank you.”

Ludger just nodded, feeling nothing but relief.

* * *

“Hiya Ludger! Just checking in because Spirius detected an unusual amount of spending on your account— having a fun little shopping spree, huh? Not on my watch! Just kidding, well, mostly. Ludger? Can you hear me?”

“I got this,” Alvin said, plucking the GHS out of Ludger’s hand.

“Be nice,” Jude warned, still leaning heavily on Ludger’s shoulder as he paid for their rooms. He _wanted_ to buy four, but seeing as just _attempting_ to buy that many rooms was enough to instantly earn a call from Nova— two would have to do. It wasn’t like they were hurting for money anymore, thanks to the elite monster payment, but Spirius demanded all.

Alvin grinned. “I’m always nice.”

“Ah, that’s a relief,” Milla replied, voice warmer than Ludger was used to. “I was beginning to worry that you had lost your sense of humor.”

“Oh, _zing_. Gotta say, I missed getting burned by the Lord of Spirits herself,” Alvin drawled, before bringing Ludger’s GHS to his ear, voice taking on a slightly different, more casual (flirtatious?) tone.

“Hey there Nova! How are you? Any other debtors giving you trouble lately…?”

He walked off, tone pitch-perfect salesman— Ludger was almost impressed.

“He really has grown in so many ways, yet remained entirely the same in others…” Milla said, voice unmistakably fond. “I have been watching, of course, but it is refreshing to witness everyone’s growth first-hand.”

Ludger couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t looking at Alvin anymore.

“It hasn’t been all that long really,” Jude weighed in, none-the-wiser. He was struggling to fix his hair in his reflection on the countertop. “He’s continued to show us who he really is. It’s nice to see, but I’m not surprised. After everything, he found what he needed, and he’ll be the first to tell you that.”

“That’s true,” Milla replied, as Sylph held out a small pocket mirror for Jude, who blushed at the attention.

“Ah, thank you,” he mumbled, looking at himself. “I think my hair is a lost cause though.”

“Sylph would be happy to show you how to better style it, you know.”

“Oh, uh, well…I prefer something I can consistently maintain, you know?”

Ludger found himself at a loss for words, listening to their quiet, warm conversation. Thankfully, no one was asking for his opinion. As long as Alvin would give his GHS back eventually, he was almost grateful to have that weight off of him. He gestured toward their rooms, hand still gently resting on Jude’s back.

“Right, of course. You need to lay down. Ludger, would you like to stay with me in my room?” Milla offered, further proving herself to be _completely different_ from the Milla he knew. “I am certain Jude would appreciate having the room to himself.”

Jude pulled away, shaking his head, a familiar flush lighting his face. “Uh, well. Don’t worry about it Milla. Ludger and I can share— you should have your own room.”

“Ah, right. Inappropriate. I will see you both in the morning then,” Milla replied. “Ludger, please see that he rests properly. He tends to push himself too hard.”

“You’re the last person that should say that…” Jude grumbled, as Ludger nodded knowingly at them both. Their mutual bad habits were, at least, something he knew for fact.

“Goodnight, you two.”

“Night, Milla.”

“Night."

* * *

Ludger stood around and tried to avoid staining the sheets with his soot-coated body until it was his turn in the shower. When he was finally smelling like Kanbalar soap rather than campfire, he was surprised to find their room still Alvin-less. Well, whatever. Jude was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed down to a fresh black undershirt, trying to muffle harsh coughs into his hand.

Ludger sat beside him, bumping their legs together. His arm slipped around Jude’s shoulders before he could think— as if the contact could ease the ragged, horrible sound coming out of his friend’s throat.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jude mumbled. “I must have breathed in a lot of smoke while I was out. It’ll clear.”

From Ludger’s perspective, in that moment, Jude hadn’t done all that much breathing. He didn’t voice it. Saying it out loud would put the image of Jude still, bloody, and unconscious into the air again. Ludger just wanted to _forget_. He rubbed Jude’s back until his coughs subsided. His own lungs were still burning, mouth tasting like ash, no matter how many times he had rinsed it out in the shower.

“Let’s go for a smaller bounty next time,” Ludger offered, finally. His voice sounded dry, and he coughed once to clear it, careful to angle so he wasn’t coughing on Jude’s face. He found himself unable to let go of him, even now that Jude had stopped coughing. Never again. This had been too close, and for what? A couple hundred-thousand gald? Barely a drop in the bucket, considering the debt that still hung like a weight around Ludger’s neck. Hell, Ludger wouldn’t want to take this kind of risk even if it meant paying off his debt in _full_. Not with his friends. Not with _Jude_.

“I’m inclined to agree. While I do think we’re doing a service by eliminating monsters that powerful, we weren’t fully prepared for it this time,” Jude’s voice darkened. “Without Milla things would have gone much worse.”

Ludger hummed, heart clenching a bit for reasons he didn’t fully understand. Jude leaned into him. His head was so warm on Ludger’s shoulder, eyes half-shut; exhausted, fighting, but alive.

“Without either of you. You two carried the fight. Made a good team.”

Jude smiled, and Ludger could detect the smallest hint of pride in his voice. “We’ve had some experience with uphill battles.”

 _I can see that,_ Ludger thought, reminded of how fearlessly Jude had thrown himself through the falling needles. He closed his eyes, clearing the image.

Ludger didn’t have that kind of experience. He was good with weaponry, sure, and he had the chromatus— but it wasn’t as though he’d been _on the field_ much. Most of his training had come from Julius, and Ludger was always lacking there. Jude and the others had busted through the schism, changed the world forever once already. Ludger couldn’t compete with that knowledge. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. That was theirs. Ludger was just Ludger, and that was good enough, right?

A spirit breeze brushed across his cheek, and Ludger’s eyes opened to catch Jude smiling softly at him, thumb resting just below his chin, tilting his head.

“You had a cut on your cheek,” Jude explained over Ludger’s stupid, swelling heart.

“Thanks Jude,” he murmured, trying not to sound breathless. Jude was so, so, close, so impossibly giving and resilient. “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

“That was a simple fix,” Jude replied, eyes mercilessly gentle. “It would have bothered me more to just leave it there.”

Ludger _ached_.

He already knew he wanted Jude. Hell, Ludger wanted a lot of people. Crushes came and went, fluttering and warm and stupid…but this… this was new. A powerful, selfish longing crashed through Ludger, spread through his whole body, and made itself comfortable in his heart like a lazy cat in a spot of sunlight.

Yes, he wanted to kiss Jude. He _always_ wanted to kiss Jude, even when there was no reason for it. Even when Jude _hadn’t_ done something terrifically stupid and terrifically heroic, like today. Ludger wanted to kiss Jude just yesterday when Jude was talking about _trains_. Hell, he wanted to pin him to the wall and finally fucking taste him this morning when he was just standing outside his apartment asking him if he needed any help with jobs. These feelings weren’t new. The daydreams weren’t new. The buried embarrassment, the yearning, the lingering glances weren’t new. Ludger’d felt them before, plenty of times.

But Jude was _so_ powerful and competent. So reliable in the worst of circumstances, and he made Ludger feel so…welcome. Ludger wanted to be the kind of person Jude would seek out on the battlefield— not just to heal, but to fight alongside. Fuck, he wanted Jude to reach for _him first_ , out there. If he was running into danger, Ludger wanted to run with him. That wasn’t just kissing, that wasn’t just another crush. Weighty and sincere, that was something else; something that had set itself up in Ludger so easily, so solidly. He ached to be good enough for that feeling. Ached to be good enough for _Jude_.

Jude’s calloused fingers slowly left his face, bubbling desire grabbing ahold of Ludger’s heart and squeezing, vice-like. Without thinking, he reached for Jude’s hand again, bringing their palms together and lacing their fingers.

He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t know what to say, only that he had to say something, anything. “You should—” he started, clearing his throat a bit. “You should really take care of yourself, first. And if _you_ need anything…”

Jude blinked. Ludger squeezed and released his hand, red-faced, putting a little more space between them on the bed as his heart pounded in his ears.

“I…er,” he continued, unable to stop talking—a completely foreign feeling. A part of him wanted to grin, to shake this off and cover it with jokes, but he couldn’t. He modified, the words escaping him with more heat than he expected, still able to picture Jude’s gentle grip on his wrist pulling him up, Jude fighting with Milla, in perfect sync, Jude’s head in his lap, pale, dying.

“I know you’ve been through a lot. Seen and done a lot. You’re really strong, but…you can count on me, more. I’d like you to. All of us— we need you, out there. I just hope you know that.”

Ludger’s cheeks were burning. _All of us?_ Real smooth. He only half-registered the sound of the bed creaking before hands were on his face, tugging him close.

Ludger tensed, and their foreheads knocked together almost painfully as his brain fell out of his ears. He couldn’t think, didn’t think, didn’t even ask if Jude was okay, because lips were against his own in a firm, undismissable, press. Jude’s lips. _Jude_.

His eyes shut, hands gripping onto Jude’s shoulders in the stupidest way imaginable, as he pressed back, heart soaring.

Then Jude pulled away. Lips gone as quickly as they arrived.

“Oh. I didn’t expect to do that,” he stammered, and Ludger’s heart managed to plummet all the way to his feet. He released Jude’s shoulders.

 _It’s fine,_ he intended to say. _Don’t worry about it._ But when he opened his mouth, no sound came out. Jude looked astonished. Ludger was mortified. He looked anywhere but Jude’s eyes. He still had some soot on his face— right behind his ear. Ludger looked at that instead. Shame spread through the base of his stomach and boiled as silence stretched between them.

Jude’s hand was on his own mouth, like he couldn’t quite believe it. Ludger could. Ludger had kissed him back. Immediately. Jude might have been acting on impulse, but Ludger had returned whatever that impulse was in the most obvious way he could have— with his whole damn heart.

“Ludger?” Jude whispered, again. His voice was different. Lower. There was a quiet urgency to it, an impatience there that sent an electric shock through Ludger’s spine, and made him want to stand up straighter even as his gaze remained on the floor.

Ludger nodded, powerless, heavy with emotion— heart completely on the line. He hated the insecurity in his body. Hated that he couldn’t stop thinking of Milla, in the next room, able to read Jude so well, while Ludger found himself like this: off-balance, unprepared, fascinated.

“You okay?” Jude asked.

“If you’re not sure…please don’t, uh, do that again,” Ludger managed.

“And if I am sure?” Jude asked. His hand rested on Ludger’s knee, a firm, assuring weight. Ludger looked up, meeting Jude’s stare, surprised to find it had melted into something terrifyingly _knowing_. “Ludger, what if I _am_ sure?”

“Then,” Ludger started, the words falling out, as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest. “Please don’t ever stop.”

Jude didn’t need to be told twice, pulling Ludger back in and locking their lips together in a significantly more confident kiss.

Ludger leaned into Jude, hands sliding up to his shoulders once more to hold him in place. This kiss wasn’t quick. It burned and refreshed in equal measure, starting from where they were connected at Jude’s soft lips. Then, it spread— expanded through Ludger in a careful, precise way that could have only come from Jude. It stitched together the last awkward few minutes, swept away the embarrassment like a spirit arte mending a wound. When they pulled back, Jude smiled, and Ludger joined him.

“Better?” Jude asked. Ludger snorted a bit, nodding, as he gently tugged Jude back in for another. Ludger tilted his head more this time, as Jude pressed in, sucking lightly on his lower lip. It felt good, unhurried and exploratory, and Ludger slowly found his grip loosening on Jude’s shoulders so he could run a hand through his still-damp hair.

Jude sucked in a small breath at that, and Ludger hummed, tangling his fingers in more, sliding them through and mussing playfully. Jude broke away, exhaling a silent laugh— eyes bright, dangerously curious. Ludger licked his lips, tasted ash and blood and _Jude,_ and silently prepared to be interrogated.

“It’s kind of dizzying,” Jude observed, instead of asking any of the questions Ludger expected.

“Yeah?” Ludger grinned, a little proud, before Jude dissolved into a new set of coughs, and the pride shriveled into something more familiar, as he rubbed his back. “Lay down.”

Jude compiled, grumbling, just a little.

“You too,” he demanded. Ludger was thrilled, shuffling down next to him on the hotel bed. Jude’s eyes had already shut, and Ludger pushed his bangs out of his face. He was used to seeing Jude’s hair spikey and full, but now it hung flat around his cheeks. Cute. Both had their appeals.

“Thanks,” Jude mumbled, and Ludger raised an eyebrow. When Jude didn’t respond, he rubbed his face. _Vocalize_ , dumbass.

“Mm?” Ludger asked, hesitant in case Jude really was trying to sleep.

“For what you said. I’ve thought the same thing about you, you know.”

Ludger blinked, stared. “I haven’t done much.”

Jude’s eyes opened at that, face just this side of incredulous. “You’re destroying fractured dimensions to save the world, are capable of handling three different weapons, and have survived a fight with the spirit of time. That’s the just the start of it.”

Well, when Jude put it like that… “I just sort of fell into it, I’m just a chef. Well, was just a chef.”

“I was _just_ a med-student.”

“Touché.”

Jude wasn’t done, however. “And even if you were ‘just a chef’, that would be plenty. Not everyone has to save the world. Not everyone should, I think. Chefs, doctors, reporters, scientists, salesmen, and spirits. Everyone belongs. Everyone has their place.”

He spoke so easily, Ludger couldn’t help but smile, watching the way his eyes lit up. Ludger loved it, loved him. “I just hope _my place_ includes Jude Mathis.”

Jude went scarlet, Ludger quickly matched him.

“I uh, didn’t mean to say—”

“It does,” Jude murmured, and Ludger shut up.

When Jude kissed him, it wasn’t a surprise this time. It was messy and eager. Jude was never one to half-ass anything— he threw himself into kissing the way he threw himself into battle— impulsive, aggressive, and with his whole body.

Like with their link earlier, Ludger grasped hold and let himself be pulled in, up, anywhere.

This, Ludger thought, was something he could get used to.


End file.
